Friday, January 18, 2013

Death Comes on My Birthday

 In Loving Memory my husband Roger 
November 20,1945 - January 18, 2013
Entering and leaving this world is work.
Birth and death is a struggle.
Someone told me once that we begin to die from 
the moment we are born.
Most of us are too busy with the business of living to 
worry about dying. 
Unless we are touched at an early age with the loss of 
someone we know, we seldom, if ever, concern 
ourselves with death at an early age.
It is more likely later in life that we ponder what lies ahead 
of us when this life is over. 
And so, my husband passed away today at 12:28pm
it is my birthday. 
Now what are the chances of that? What are the odds?
After all, here are 365 days in a year.
I know he did not plan this to happen this particular day.
To get past the sadness and to see something wonderful in it's 
place, I tell myself no matter how much I loved him, 
God loved him more. 
I can be at peace with knowing that.
We will always share this special day, January 18th.
♥ Rest In Peace my loving husband


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Home With Hospice

These days my heart is breaking as I sit and wait for the 
inevitable. I have spent the last 9 days listening to 
every breath, wondering if it will be his last, knowing 
when it comes I will not be ready to say "Goodbye".
Days of well-meaning visitors have come and gone, several 
returning again to see a man they all loved.   
I have lived these moments a million times over the past 
2 years, praying for a miracle, not understanding why a 
good man is dying while a murder is allowed to breath. 
Am I bitter, you bet I am, because now it is hard to be 
thankful for 42+ years when that was just a drop 
in the bucket. There is a druggie is out there shooting up, 
while someone else wants to die and takes their own life,
       and small children are suffering when they are mere angels  
and have never harmed anyone, so yes, I am bitter because 
good people are the ones we lose because of bad circumstances.   
His last dialysis was a week ago Tuesday.
The doctor said he would last 2-3 days without 
the treatment. It has been 9 days now and I am afraid 
to walk out of the room for fear I will miss the end.
My children have been here, that is a blessing. 
When I think I have cried all I can, more tears find their
way down my cheeks. There seems to be an endless supply.
I do not wish this on anyone.        

Monday, January 7, 2013

Bad Start to the New Year

This is what was going on in our lives on Saturday.
They loaded him up and transported him to Toledo Hospital.
 It is one step forward, two steps back. 
How I wish I could turn back the clock to one year ago 
knowing what I know now. There would have never been 
a bone marrow transplant even though 3 oncologists insisted 
it was the next step. He had gone from bone marrow packed with cancer cells to less than 2% cancer cells after he received his IV 
chemo followed by the oral chemo that would be for the rest of his life. Then came the BMT, and after that it was 
a downhill slide from then on in. 
We just can't seem to get a break.
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~WRITE IT ON YOUR HEART................