A Birthday, Recipe, Doilies and Happy Reading Material

I am guilty, guilty of neglect and for that I apologize to all of you, especially the faithful who continue to stick by me in my absence and consider me a blogger friend. It is not my intent to make you wait so long for a posting. I have been busy attending to many matters that just consume my time and drain my energy. By the end of my day I am beat. I have more responsibilities now that my husband is gone, and it is only a painful reminder of how much I miss (and still love) that man. I am coping as best I can and trying in earnest to be grateful for each day that I wake, knowing it is another day that I am here by the pure grace of God, to spend precious time with my children, grandson, extended family and good friends. I am truly blessed and for that I am also grateful. Please, don't live another moment without thanking God for all he has blessed you with, because it can all be taken away in a heartbeat.

I start out first by saying that I see I have acquired more followers and for that I thank all of you who find something of interest here. I try and thank every new person who comes along with me on my life's journey, but I see that some of you don't have blogs where I can tell you "Hello", so I hope you come back and read my greeting right here. for those of you who do have blogs I will return soon and come visit your blog. I am always interested in what is new with everyone. We can always learn from others and besides, it is great to have more friends on here.

In the month of March we saw our little Holden turning 1 year old. We celebrated a few days early the first weekend of the month with a Birthday Mustache Bash at my daughter's home. She is a scrapbooker and made all the decorations including the banner hanging on the fireplace. You can find her link to her etsy shop here (she does special orders). The party favors were baby food jars of candy kisses decorated with a picture of Holden thanking people for coming. They are pictured on the right front of the table below. I should have taken a close-up, darn! There was plenty of food, complete with a cupcake tree with her cupcake wrappers, mustache cake, balloons and lots of presents. We had a crowd of family and friends.

Holden and his mommy.

Lots of nice presents.

Not quite sure what to do with that mustache cake.

It was requested that I make dill pickle roll-ups. For those of you who have never had these, they are a simple and fast bite-sized treat. Just have some thin sliced ham. Pat ham slices (both sides) dry with a paper towel, spread with softened cream cheese, place dried dill pickle spear (use a paper towel for drying these as well) at one end of the ham slice and roll it up. I have used very thin sliced whole ham as well. It doesn't have to be lunch meat ham, but that works best. Let's just say I never have any left overs.

Slice with sharp knife and secure with toothpick. There ya have it, very simple and yummy.

In the evenings I watch a bit of tv and always have some crochet close at hand. I wanted to use up some small leftovers of crochet thread and so I sat one evening and concocted these tiny little dollhouse doilies, no patterns, no two alike, just off the top of my head.......

I sent a couple to my blogger friend Teresa here for her dollhouse.

Then I got into the doilies hot and heavy, there seemed to be no stopping, and the frenzy started. It began when my mother asked me to iron out her doilies that I made for her years ago. I admit to not wanting to iron anything at this point, soooo..... as one knows, if you wash them and while they are still damp you block them out, it is just as good as ironing. I actually find it less bothersome to block them rather than starching and ironing. I have this soft particle board that I got at a lumber yard years ago and I cover it with freezer paper, shiny side up. I start blocking by pinning one spot with stainless steel wig pins (called t-pins, used by beauticians for attaching wigs to dummy heads) and then I go to the opposite side and stretch the doily in that direction. I work my way around one side to the other, gradually adjusting the doily to make it uniform and even as possible. You might have to remove a pin here and there to make it more even, but do what you need to and make it as symmetrical as possible. All the following rose-colored doilies are the ones I made and did for my mom.They kinda look a bit peachy in color, but artificial light at night hardly ever does anything justice.

Next I got the bug to just randomly make a doily, right off the top of my head, I guess that would be considered designing. I did try and write the pattern, but I will be the first to admit that I am not very good at doing that. I also made the doily a second time using my screwed up pattern, heaven only knows how I managed to actually get it to be the about the same. I will admit to doing a bit of pattern tweaking to get the end result. I'm just glad that other people don't write patterns the way I do.

The above pic is the start. I have to admit it turned out better than I thought it would. The next 3 pics are the progress and the finished doily.......

The finished doily on the blocking board. Now I made a second but the edge was blocked out differently, here it is......I stretched it out more tightly to give it pointier outer loops.

Then doily craziness just took over and I was crocheting up a storm. The huge one laid out diagonally on the board is 48 inches long and 17 inches at it's widest point. It pretty much took up a lot of space when I blocked it out. I made it for my bedroom dresser. this one took me about 3 days of crocheting on and off.

The remaining pics are the rest of the doilies I made. I kinda burned myself out on them for now and once again picked up baby yarn. I will share that project the next post.

Now for the books I have been reading and wanted to share with you......some of you may already have read these since they have all been on the new York Times best seller list.

It hasn't just been doilies that have grabbed my attention, but reading some spiritual books as well. Books with insight and facts on death, faith and of course God. I highly recommend these 3 books for anyone who has lost a loved one, or has doubts about the after life and heaven. I don't see how anyone can read these books and not be inspired to change their life for the better. If you won't read a book that isn't rated then I give each one 5 stars. I found them hard to put down and I intend to read them all again. I don't know where all of you stand on your beliefs and faith, but I know all things happen for a reason and I know they are meant to bring us closer to God. I have changed my views on several things and one being abortion. I won't get into these things on this blog and I realize for some people religion is a private matter, but on the other hand you should not hide your light under a bushel basket either. I leave you all to your own beliefs and devices. I end with only good thoughts. I love you all. Have a great weekend. ♥

And So, Life Goes On.....

Forgive me but this post is kinda willy nilly all over the place, here goes:

How do you brighten someone's birthday when it is the day her husband is dying?

A cake would be the last thing on one's mind and so were flowers, but my sil brought me 

both. She didn't realize when she came in the door that this would be Roger's last day with us.

yet, I love this woman so much for trying desperately to bring a smile to my face and to try to 

brighten my day. I took several photos of the arrangement a couple of days later. The colors 

were still quite beautiful, her thoughtfulness still fresh on my mind.

There had been one closed tulip and for some reason when it opened it was high 

above all the other flowers. I guess one is always looking for some kind of sign that 

there is one who reaches for heaven in all it's beauty. I don't know, I just don't know.

That same week there was a knock on the door and the delivery person handed me this huge 

potted ivy plant that was sent from my cousin Petra who is a cardiac cath nurse in Texas. I 

put it on the oak plant stand that my husband had made in his wood shop 3 years ago. It 

looked like it was meant just for that plant. 

There were other flower arrangements and I tried to salvage what I could from the 

ones that were wilting. I had 4 other vases of flowers all throughout the house. They 

lasted about a week.

I have been taking my time and trying to get back to normal, whatever that may be.

Life around here has not been normal in a long time and now there is someone missing 

and it just doesn't seem real at times. Then there are times it seems all too real and that 

is when reality strikes and I have my moments. I take time to enjoy the little things, one 

being my grandson Holden. I love my coffee and my favorite mug is the one my girls bought 

 their grandma years ago. When she passed it became mine.

It is kinda ironic isn't it, that for 43 years I had a toaster that only did 2 slices of bread at 

a time. I would do Roger's toast first and then have to do mine last. He would be about half 

done with his meal sometimes before I would sit down to eat. Last December my youngest 

asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her a 4 slice toaster. My 2-slice 

toaster would be just what I need now. Should I laugh or should I cry over that one.

I did make an effort to be neighborly and went to see my friend Jeannie. She and 

I became acquainted years ago when she had her yarn shop. She had called me as 

soon as she heard about my husband passing. She lost her husband a year ago last October.

We had a good visit on the phone and she told me she had all kinds of sizes of circular 

knitting needles and for me to come see her and I could pick out all that I wanted. How 

sweet was that! So I didn't want to go empty-handed and I baked up a beef roast and 

pulled it apart, much like pulled pork, then I added a pint of my canned hot banana peppers.

If you have ever grown banana peppers, you know that they usually bear a ton of 

peppers, so many that you don't always know what to do with them. We always 

raised a few plants because I make my own spaghetti sauce, but there is always plenty 

extra. So, like I said, I added the pint and mixed it well into the shredded beef and 

spoon it on hamburger buns and you have a zesty hot beef sandwich. My family always loved 

these and the guys always came back for 2nds and 3rds. 

Here is the recipe:

Then I was at my kitchen sink 2 weeks ago and happened to look out and what did 

I see but this. I ran for my camera. The fox was jumping all over the place and I knew 

he was hunting mice. I think I got a dozen pictures, but won't bore you with but a few, lol.

I have seen deer out there and also in my back yard before we had the 5 foot chain link 

fence installed, but never a fox this close. 

I wish you all could have seen this creature, much like a cat with a mouse. Watching and waiting.

I think he got his dinner.

Then of course in these past weeks I have been having issues with my arthritis and my

hands hurting me, especially my left thumb. So I ran across this old time remedy that I 

saw in one of those ad booklets that Jerry Baker the master gardener is always sending 

in the mail......the gin and raisins remedy.

You take 1 box of Sunkist Golden Raisins and add 2 cups of gin (yes, the booze) and let the 

raisins soak up the gin. It takes about 4-6 days to plump them up. Then you eat just 9 raisins daily, 

but folks, I have been eating 10 or 12 ( not all raisins are the same size) and doing that in the morning and at bedtime. Now people, 

I am not a lush and I am hardly a boozer, and that small amount is kin to soaking a fruitcake in rum or 

what have ya, but honestly you won't get drunk and I honestly think it is helping. My hands feel a 

lot better and I have been doing this about 2 weeks now. You don't have to refrigerate them either, 

they are soaking in alcohol, lol. I do cover them and let them sit on the counter top so 

I remember to take them daily. Remember Paul Harvey, the radio announcer, well supposedly he 

swore by this remedy......someone asked me, "and just what did he die of anyways?" Heck, I 

don't know....old age, maybe, lol. I hope it wasn't from eating too many raisins, lol. I did mention all this to my doctor and he said if it helps then go ahead and eat the raisins.

Lastly I promised in my last post to share a pic of the sweet little angel Debi made and 

sent to me. I love it Debi, and thanks again. I have it lovingly tucked away in The Bible.

My next post I will catch you up on our little Holden's 1st birthday party which we celebrated on 

March 2nd although his actual birthday was Wednesday March 6th. I have not been idle

but doing some deep house cleaning, 

you know the kind where you tear everything out of the closet and wipe 

down walls and rid out what you no longer use or need. In the past 2+ years I have done nothing 

more than give this house a lick and a promise to eventually do a good cleaning. So far I have 

2 closets done. I won't tell you how long it took me to accomplish that much, but it has helped 

keep my mind off of the loss of my spouse. I have also pulled out the crochet thread and made 

4 doilies and now working on a 5th. As soon as that last one is completed and I get busy and 

block and iron them I will post pics. 

I just want to thank you all for standing by me and being such good friends. I know I have 

missed many fun things going on in your blogs. I have tried to keep up with several these

past weeks. I am still working on paperwork, on and off, but there seems to be 

a light at the end of this tunnel, which reminds me I have been reading too. I will share the books 

with you and tell you what I think. In the meantime, may God Bless You All, keep you safe and 

give you comfort and peace.

Picking Up the Pieces

I am here today to let all of you kind people know that I am doing okay, and managing to keep my head above water during this trying time of loss and sadness. I thank ALL of you for your kind words. Thank you Debi for the darling little crocheted angel. I will get a picture of it up in my next post. I just want all of you to know that Debi here is also grieving for her sister Teri who died suddenly of a heart attack back before Christmas and now the passing of her mother-in-law who they lost on January 31st. That she would take precious time out of her days to remember me is just beyond words. Again, thank you dear friend. Also, thank you MJ for your comment. You are so right. This grief is indescribable, it can zap your strength at any given moment. It is draining. I can be fine for hours and then even the tiniest of things can set off a flood of tears. I open the closet and there are his clothes, or his shoes still by the door. I shredded up all the life insurance receipts and felt like I was erasing a life. I guess I would be a total mess if I didn't have all this running to tie up the loose ends that was once someone's life. There are times I describe myself as The Medusa, you know, that head with the hundreds of snakes all over it. I feel that way, trying to get all the paper work done. There are days I feel as though I am running around in circles and not getting much of anything accomplished. And the thing is, those days, when I feel like that, I really don't even care.

I have gone back to babysitting our sweet angel, Holden, or as Roger dubbed him, "King Louie". Don't ask me why he nick named the baby that, but it stuck for the last week or so before my husband passed away. The baby has been a nice diversion from all the rest of the sadness that has plagued me. I have been so fortunate to have had so many kind and caring people in my life, many offering help if I need it, but this child has done more for getting my mind off of this loss. His laughter, giggles and smiles make my days seem brighter.

My niece called me this morning and she was widowed at a young age with 3 small children. It does help to talk to others who have been through the same thing. I am so lucky though, my children are grown, both in their 30's so at least the part of raising children is way in the past and I don't have to deal with that worry. My oldest daughter is best friends with a gal who lost her husband to cancer when their 3 sons were very young. The day before my husband passed, another friend's daughter-in-law, who was in her 30's, died suddenly of an aneurism, and she had 3 small children.

It seems strange to think of myself now as a widow. "Yep, there she is, that crazy widow who lives on 228 and talks to her dead husband!" I guess it would be better to be known as that than the "hoarding widow". My youngest laid her hand on my arm the other day and said, "Mom, will you promise me one thing?"
Me, "What?"
Her, "That you won't become a hoarder."
Me, laughing a bit, "Oh for heaven's sake, of course not!"
Like I said earlier, shredding those life insurance receipts was like erasing a life. I think I can see and understand why some of those hoarders hang onto every shred that is associated with a loved one's being on this earth. I have so very many good memories. No matter where I look there is something that reminds me of a man that was good, of a life that was worthwhile, and a love that was all mine for so many years. God has blessed me more than I deserve. Not a day goes by that I don't remind myself how fortunate I have been in the past and present. I truly give thanks. May God Bless You Dear Friends. I love you all. ♥

Death Comes on My Birthday

 In Loving Memory my husband Roger 

November 20,1945 - January 18, 2013

  

Entering and leaving this world is work.

Birth and death is a struggle.

Someone told me once that we begin to die from 

the moment we are born.

Most of us are too busy with the business of living to 

worry about dying. 

Unless we are touched at an early age with the loss of 

someone we know, we seldom, if ever, concern 

ourselves with death at an early age.

It is more likely later in life that we ponder what lies ahead 

of us when this life is over. 

And so, my husband passed away today at 12:28pm, 

it is my birthday. 

Now what are the chances of that? What are the odds?

After all, here are 365 days in a year.

I know he did not plan this to happen this particular day.

To get past the sadness and to see something wonderful in it's 

place, I tell myself no matter how much I loved him, 

God loved him more. 

I can be at peace with knowing that.

We will always share this special day, January 18th.

♥ Rest In Peace my loving husband ♥

          

Home With Hospice

These days my heart is breaking as I sit and wait for the 

inevitable. I have spent the last 9 days listening to 

every breath, wondering if it will be his last, knowing 

when it comes I will not be ready to say "Goodbye".

Days of well-meaning visitors have come and gone, several 

returning again to see a man they all loved.   

I have lived these moments a million times over the past 

2 years, praying for a miracle, not understanding why a 

good man is dying while a murder is allowed to breath. 

Am I bitter, you bet I am, because now it is hard to be 

thankful for 42+ years when that was just a drop 

in the bucket. There is a druggie is out there shooting up, 

while someone else wants to die and takes their own life,

       and small children are suffering when they are mere angels  

and have never harmed anyone, so yes, I am bitter because 

good people are the ones we lose because of bad circumstances.   

His last dialysis was a week ago Tuesday.

The doctor said he would last 2-3 days without 

the treatment. It has been 9 days now and I am afraid 

to walk out of the room for fear I will miss the end.

My children have been here, that is a blessing. 

When I think I have cried all I can, more tears find their

way down my cheeks. There seems to be an endless supply.

I do not wish this on anyone.        

Bad Start to the New Year

This is what was going on in our lives on Saturday.

They loaded him up and transported him to Toledo Hospital.

 It is one step forward, two steps back. 

How I wish I could turn back the clock to one year ago 

knowing what I know now. There would have never been 

a bone marrow transplant even though 3 oncologists insisted 

it was the next step. He had gone from bone marrow packed with cancer cells to less than 2% cancer cells after he received his IV 

chemo followed by the oral chemo that would be for the rest of his life. Then came the BMT, and after that it was 

a downhill slide from then on in. 

We just can't seem to get a break.

*****   

WIP New Blanket

The last post for the year 2012,

 now don't fall off of your chair.

Yeah, you are seeing me posting 2 days in a row.

I wanted to show you what I have been working on 

during all those days my hubby was in the hospital.

 It's called Granny's Puzzle Pieces.

I found the pattern in a magazine called 

BEST-EVER AFGHANS the December 2, 2011 issue.

  Basically it is just another simple granny square laid out 

in a design to resemble inter-locking puzzle pieces.

I still have oodles of Vanna yarn and that is mainly 

what I have been using here. My couch is ox blood 

in color and it wasn't the best choice for the photo since 

there is a sort of border row that I am doing in a rust color. 

If you look closely you can see it. The one in the magazine 

has the same border only a white color.

I took one shot with flash, the second without.

It's just another project to keep me out of trouble 

and to keep me sane during this trying time. 

I do not know what I plan to do with this one 

when it is finished. Making blankets is the best 

thing to do when the winter weather hits.  

Brrrrrr.....it is sure cold outside! 

As far as New Year's resolutions  

 I have not made any, that way I won't 

be disappointed in myself if I fail.

 

Wishing all my good blogging friends the 

         best in the New Year with health and happiness.