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Thursday, January 17, 2013

Home With Hospice

These days my heart is breaking as I sit and wait for the 
inevitable. I have spent the last 9 days listening to 
every breath, wondering if it will be his last, knowing 
when it comes I will not be ready to say "Goodbye".
Days of well-meaning visitors have come and gone, several 
returning again to see a man they all loved.   
I have lived these moments a million times over the past 
2 years, praying for a miracle, not understanding why a 
good man is dying while a murder is allowed to breath. 
Am I bitter, you bet I am, because now it is hard to be 
thankful for 42+ years when that was just a drop 
in the bucket. There is a druggie is out there shooting up, 
while someone else wants to die and takes their own life,
       and small children are suffering when they are mere angels  
and have never harmed anyone, so yes, I am bitter because 
good people are the ones we lose because of bad circumstances.   
His last dialysis was a week ago Tuesday.
The doctor said he would last 2-3 days without 
the treatment. It has been 9 days now and I am afraid 
to walk out of the room for fear I will miss the end.
My children have been here, that is a blessing. 
When I think I have cried all I can, more tears find their
way down my cheeks. There seems to be an endless supply.
I do not wish this on anyone.        

16 comments:

  1. Dear Susanne.. sigh.. so sorry to hear this. I feel so bad for you. I will keep you in my thoughts. Hugs.. T

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  2. I am so sorry. My prayers are for you both.

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  3. Dear Susanne, I am just so sorry- I agree that 42 years is not long enough and I wish this was not the path you have to travel.

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  4. The good are called "Home" before those who are not deserving of that honor because they ARE good! I have to believe this or else it doesn't make any sense! The dance with death is so heart breaking to watch...and my heart aches for you! I remember my Mother asking me why it was so hard to die once she had made up her mind to do so. It's not in our time, it's in His time...and it's one thing we just can't control. How I wish we could! There is a bright tomorrow awaiting your precious husband. I hope Hospice is helping him AND you with his transition from this plane of existence into the next. Loving arms are waiting for him on the other side. Absolutely none of my beeswax, but have you told him it's ok for him to go and that you will be ok? He may be waiting to hear that. And he may also be waiting for you to leave the room...don't be surprised if that happens, my friend. Sending you love and hugs and prayer for strength. May God be with you both in your time of need. Annette

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  5. My dear friend Susanne - I am so sorry that this is happening. I agree, it's not fair, and we will never understand why these things happen. I am sending you so many comforting hugs. Your hubby and you will be in my prayers.

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  6. Susanne, sending many prayers and cyber hugs your way..

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  7. Praying for you and all of your family. For God's peace to fill your soul and that you will feel loving arms around you.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  8. I am so, so sorry and send prayers for you all.
    Carol xx

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  9. I'm so sorry, this is heart breaking. My thoughts are with you, please take care of yourself.

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  10. Sweetheart, I am so very sorry. May Angels surround you, and your family.

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  11. I'm so sad for you and wish I was there just to give you a hug. Words cannot do it right now. Just know you are loved and we are thinking of you and your family. I can't imagine your pain. Hang on to your children for strength.

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  12. Oh Susanne, my heart is breaking for you and your family. There are no words that anyone of us can say to help ease your pain and grief. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you love,
    Meredith

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  13. I have been thinking of you. So sad for you and your family. Please hold each other tight and know that others have you in their hearts. LynnIL

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  14. Please have this warm (((hugs))) love to you and yours. xxx

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  15. Oh my sweet friend, I have only just now seen this post. It is my hope and prayer, that your husband has found peace. I know that we are never ready. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
    Thinking of you Susanne!
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  16. Hi Susanne,
    My heart is with yours as I read this.
    I pray for you to find some special moment, some supernatural provision that would sustain you through this and give you comfort.

    thinking of you across the miles,
    cheers
    Fi

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