These days my heart is breaking as I sit and wait for the
inevitable. I have spent the last 9 days listening to
every breath, wondering if it will be his last, knowing
when it comes I will not be ready to say "Goodbye".
Days of well-meaning visitors have come and gone, several
returning again to see a man they all loved.
I have lived these moments a million times over the past
2 years, praying for a miracle, not understanding why a
good man is dying while a murder is allowed to breath.
Am I bitter, you bet I am, because now it is hard to be
thankful for 42+ years when that was just a drop
in the bucket. There is a druggie is out there shooting up,
while someone else wants to die and takes their own life,
and small children are suffering when they are mere angels
and have never harmed anyone, so yes, I am bitter because
good people are the ones we lose because of bad circumstances.
His last dialysis was a week ago Tuesday.
The doctor said he would last 2-3 days without
the treatment. It has been 9 days now and I am afraid
to walk out of the room for fear I will miss the end.
My children have been here, that is a blessing.
When I think I have cried all I can, more tears find their
way down my cheeks. There seems to be an endless supply.
I do not wish this on anyone.