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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Funk, The Slippers and The Hexes


It isn't easy to pull oneself out of a funk.
Three weeks ago this Monday my husband 
received some bad news.
His cancer count is up again, and
the bottom line is that everything he went through 
at Cleveland Clinic in December
through February was for absolutely nothing.
He was in a remission of sorts back in December.
His bone marrow biopsy showed he had 2% or less 
of the cancer cells present. 
He was on a maintenance chemo drug. 
It was working good for him, and he was doing well.
 Three oncologists were pushing for him 
to have the transplant, so naturally we were hopeful.
Believing they knew best, we went with their advice.
There are never any guarantees, we all know that. 
No one offered statistics of failure, 
and we were so hopeful we neglected to ask, 
after all, they were the experts.
Now the game plan is more chemo.
We saw the VA oncologist 2 weeks ago Monday 
and will see another this Friday. 
That is how fast the wheels of medicine turn.
Weeks of waiting for a progress note from the doctor,
and that paperwork had to be faxed.
It took several phone calls to push it along. 
It is hard to be happy anymore. 
It is hard to be positive when you feel like nothing is going right.
It is hard to wear a smile when you feel like crying.
But you know you are no good to anyone if you fall apart,
so you wear a smile when inside your heart is breaking.
And you keep yourself positive so that all hope is not lost.



My drug of choice is to keep busy.
Household chores, the tending to all the stuff
needing done for my husband has done that.
The new grandson has been a joy in our lives.
He has been a God sent blessing.
My crocheting and knitting has helped to keep
my mind off of troubles and I can loose myself in the 
steady counting of stitches.
My blog friends and their selfless sharing of daily lives 
has also been an escape for me.
I read at times of their troubles and 
know we all have our crosses to bear.
I do not want to blog about sad stuff 
and so I pull myself up out of the troubles and 
tell myself to snap out of it.
Surely I can find something to write that might be 
of interest to my followers.


 And so the slippers.
They aren't too much to look at are they?
That hideous shade of orange rug yarn,
and what remains of a pink bow.
The first time I saw them years ago I was not quite sure 
what my mil had in mind. 


  She had made all of us gals a pair and had sprayed this 
rubber stuff from a can on the bottom of them 
to prevent slippage and falls.
We all thanked her of course and 
off we went with our heavy duty,
 Aunt Lydia's Rug Yarn slippers.
Yet looks were deceiving, they fit like a glove and
they were warm, and I LOVED THEM!
I loved them so much that I wore the rubber stuff 
off of the bottom with many wearings and many washing. 
I wore them thin and then
I loved them so much I wore them out.
I loved them so much I searched 
my eyeballs out for the pattern.
Never in a million years did I 
dreamed I would be wanting another pair.


I got all of her patterns when she passed away,
yet I never ran across the one for these slippers.
Endless nights of searching the web and I did finally
find something similar on the Bernat web sight.
I had to tweak the pattern a bit to make it like the ones
my mil made all of us.
I had to grab a pencil and paper and start counting 
the stitches and rows on my old slippers.
Then I had to use a double strand of knitting worsted 
weight yarn because I didn't have any rug yarn handy.
(Do they even make that stuff anymore,
maybe I should have done a search on that too)?
 And I whipped up these,


They fit well but something was missing.
The bows!


I tried using the matching yarn 
but wasn't happy with that.
My husband suggested using ribbon, so here they 
are with ribbons. I'm not so sure I'm 
crazy about the ribbons either.
My last resort will be big ole buttons from my button stash.


And so that is how things are with me right now,
and that is the story behind the new slippers.
I continue to plug away on the hex blanket. 
Presently I am not so happy with myself in regards to it.
I think I made it way too long and so now I have 
to compensate by making at least another 50 hexes so it will 
not look so disproportionate in width.
I don't know where my head was at when I made that 
very first row so long, but I am sure it was not on my shoulders. 

14 comments:

  1. Dear Susanne - it is ok for you to cry when you need to. Sometimes you just need to let it out. I understand that you might not want to let your husband see you cry, but you can't carry around all this weight on your shoulders. It will wear you down. Maybe you can find a caretakers support group in your area where you'll be able to share your feelings with others who know what you're going through. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Sending you a ((comforting hug)).

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  2. Hello Susanne, I'm so sorry to hear of your bad news, it must be terrible for you and your husband. I don't really know what to say but wanted to comment anyway and just say that all your bloggy friends are here to listen. If you want to talk about sad things, that's fine. There's nothing in the rulebook that says blogs have to be happy places. Try and take comfort in your gorgeous grandson and your crafts. Apparently knitting is very good at calming and lifting the spirits, I always feel at peace when I sit down with my knitting. Will be thinking of you. Lots of love xxx

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  3. My heart and prayers go out to you and your husband. I know that this is a tough time for you, but I do believe in prayer. Don't give up hope. Keep busy and keep the faith. Your slippers are darling.

    Big Hugs,
    Susan and Bentley

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  4. I am so sorry for your disappointment, Susanna...I will be praying for you and your husband {{hugs}} I find crafting soothing too and think your slippers are super cute!

    lots of love,
    julia XX

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  5. I am so sorry that your husband isn't doing as well as you had hoped. I really hope that he soon gets his treatment sorted out. It must be so hard for you both, for you not to want to show how much you are hurting and for him not to want to add to your worries.
    Your family, especially your little grandson, must be a great comfort.
    Yes, our crafts do help, they help us to relax, to focus on something other than that which is making us unhappy.
    I love your slippers! One of the ladies in an online group I belong to makes felt moccasins and managed to find a suede jacket for £3 in a charity shop which she is using for soles.
    I've joined together all the squares for my Roses and Daisies blanket but I'm not as happy with it as I thought I would be. Perhaps when I have done the border I will like it more.
    Hugs, love and prayers for you and your husband.
    Carol xx

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  6. Dear Susanne,

    I'm so sorry for your husband's illness and see your worries. Your little angel is joy to the family. Keep engaged in crafting, households and talk to friends or family. Your burden will be easy. Look at the hex blanket it's colorful, there're hopes. The slippers are warm and pretty with ribbon.

    I've copied some meaningful messages below, I'm in prayer and God bless your husband and you all.
    *******

    Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella. That is attitude.

    When flood comes, fish eat ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone

    Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship, it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very end.

    Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on what you make with them. A Wall or a Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your
    life.

    Search for a beautiful heart, but don't search for a beautiful face. Cause beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always beautiful.

    It's not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it's important how well you play with the cards you hold**.*

    Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, relax dear it's just a bend, not the end. Have faith and have a successful life.* ****

    One of the basic differences between God and humans is, God gives, gives and forgives. But the human gets, gets, gets and forgets.

    Be thankful in life and count our blessings!!

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  7. I like the slippers with the bows...pretty. I'm sorry to hear of your sadness and frustration. Prayers being offered up for you and your sweety...Looking forward to seeing the hexy...oh I did one too...the joinging oh I hate that part...

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  8. Those slippers look ultra comfy. I'm so sorry about your husband's news. Don't try to smile for us when you are sad. Share and let us try to help. That's what friends are for.
    Brenda

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  9. Words seem trite...in the face of hard times you are carrying yourself with grace. Sending hugs and love...and prayers. Good for you for puzzling out those slippers! Love 'em!!!!

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  10. So Sorry to hear about your hubby.
    Keep your chin up. Sending my thoughts and prayers with you and your family.I love your slippers. My mother-in-law loves making a type of slippers.
    Wishing you well,
    Sherry

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  11. Hi Susanne, thank you for your comment over at mine. I thought I would answer your question here to make sure you got it. I join the granny squares 'on the go', I do two rounds and then join the third round to the third round of another granny square. It's very easy and there's no sewing them all together at the end. Lucy at Attic 24 has a good tutorial of this, there's a link on her left hand sidebar. Hope this helps. Lots of love and hugs xxx

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  12. Hi Susanne, I can not come up with any words that are adequate enough to help. I have been wondering about your husbands health for some time, hoping all was going well. You would think in this day and age when we can give an 85 year old man Viagra to do something he has no business doing we could find the cure to cancer. My heart is breaking for you as you watch this go on. Your love for your family and your husband is amazing. You are the rock, but even the rock need a break every once in a while. Maybe the endless hexi's are just the thing to get you through. They do not take much thought and the colors are bright and beautiful. We are here for you, don't forget that. Sending you a huge hug, I know it isn't much but you are getting it anyway.
    Meredith

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  13. Oh, sweetie--You don't have to worry about 'being interesting' for us at this difficult time in your life!! Whatever you choose to write about is just as it should be, and please know that when you do share your concerns and fears, many of us are out here in blogland praying for you and thinking of you and your husband with love and care.
    Please take care of yourself. Please be gentle with yourself if your head isn't exactly 'in the game, lately. You are coping with SO much...it's no wonder that some things have gotten a little bit confused. Grief is HARD work!!
    Much love--

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  14. I´m so very sorry that you got this bad news, I´ll still cross my fingers that it will make a turn for the better. I think you have a great strategy with keeping busy, that lets your mind rest a little.

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