Friday, September 2, 2011

Cancer is HELL

I need to vent, so please excuse me for my ranting and raving. I just need to let off some steam. It really doesn't matter if any one reads this posting. I just need to get some thoughts off of my chest. It was a very busy Thursday. We were up at 4:30am and on the road by 5:30am.........GPS (a gift, thank you Mike) was set for our trip to Ann Arbor Michigan to go to the VA Hospital. Seems like we do a lot of traveling to hospitals. Last week it was to Cleveland Clinic. This trip on Thursday has me in a tizzy.....and I am about ready to just throw up my hands with all of these doctors. They all have their own idea on what to do and the VA being the Government (aren't we the government?) says they will not let the oncologist, who has taken care of my husband since January, manage the maintenance drug that he suggested, if we have come to them to pay for that $90,000+ drug......, my overall thoughts on this are #1. You are all doctors, no matter who you work for, government or private...."first do no harm" comes to mind, #2. When a patient has an incurable disease work together to help save their life or at least prolong it as long as possible so there is still dignity and quality of life. #3. Did you not all attend medical school and no matter where it was, you all had to take the same State Boards to pass, my belief is that your goal or Mission was that you wanted to keep and make people well. #4. Stop suggesting all these different trial treatments, agree on the one that would be the best, or at least the one you think would be best. My husband is NOT your experiment. #5. Having a diagnosis of cancer is depressing enough, don't complicate things by stressing the patient (and family) out with things that are out of our control. #6. Accept the fact that even a millionaire can not afford the cost of some of the drugs that you prescribe, but don't push us in a corner with threats that we can't have the drug if "you" aren't the doctor prescribing it............and so you have it............needless to say my car was all a buzz the entire hour and a half getting back home......the 206 mile round trip.......I have only touched the tip of the ice burg on what all was said to us. I could write a book!                    



  1. Oh dear. I just found you (because you found me) and I spent a good amount of time looking through your blog yesterday evening...getting to know you. It was during that time that I realized what a terrible path you are walking right now. My heart goes out to you, your husband and your entire family. My personal belief is that the cure for cancer is out there someplace but the medical industry would lose so much money if it were revealed, there is a conspiracy to keep it all under wraps. But aside from that theory, I also have personal experience with the "c" word. Certainly not on the same level as what you're enduring, but enough to relate a bit. When you or a loved one has cancer, your/his body is no longer your/his own. You almost lose your humanity and just become another "case". I'm a two time survivor of breast cancer. I've been poked, prodded, humiliated, violated, whatever you want to call it. I had a mammogram last week that brought these feelings back in a FLOOD and I spent a good 45 minutes in hysterics, trying to get a handle on myself. The little witch of a technician treated me not as a human, but as a case with no feelings. She hurt me...I mean, REALLY hurt me...and didn't care. And that sums it up right there. We (cancer victims) are people with feelings. We experience pain and we want nothing more than to be normal again where we can regain our control of our bodies and not have to subject ourselves to everyone's whims. I sooooo feel for you and your husband. As a loved one, it's so hard to watch in helpless horror. Sending you both big hugs...Annette

  2. Thank you Annette. You are the 3rd person so far that I have run into on here that is either fighting "C" or a survivor. I am sure there are so many more. I guess if you read some of my info you know that I am a nurse, have been for over 26 years. I agree 100% about the cure being out there. I am sure it would cause an almost "total collapse" of the medical profession if all of the souls fighting this battle were to be cured. Just one individual generates hundreds of thousands of dollars of revenue and create how many jobs. They can put a man on the moon yet no cure for cancer???? We walked down the hallway on the hematology unit and I glanced in to where it looked like about 12 cancer patients were being treated and being fed a lunch. They all looked to be so frail and tired. My neighbor made a comment several months ago "you don't hear of too many government people that have cancer". Well, maybe once in a blue moon you do. I don't know the statistics. But I know for a fact that our tax dollars pay for them to have the best medical care available. Right now we have 4 oncologists who all claim to know "what is best". In the meantime while they all drag their heels and quibble over treatments and expensive drugs my husband is declining. He suffered kidney damage in January and that is what landed him in the hospital in the first place. After the first 2 doses of chemo he improved and didn't require dialysis....his last treatment was 6 weeks ago, his lab is showing the cancer is on the increase. I guess we will be making monthly trips to Ann Arbor now because the co-pay for this golden drug is only $18...I should be so happy, but why are there tears. Maybe I am happy, I just don't know it yet? I have found in my 60 years that there is a lot of lip service out there, a lot of "talking heads" saying next to nothing. You are right that people have feelings. That tech should be fired, she does not belong in that job. We had a similar experience when my husband was stuck 5 times by a lab tech who just couldn't get it in her head to get someone else to draw the blood. His arm was bruised for almost 2 weeks. My youngest daughter complained to the care nurse and that tech was not seen again while my husband was hospitalized. No one sees you in your darkest hours when it is just you and God. I thank God that the one thing without a price tag is prayer. God bless you and keep you safe and healthy. Thank you for being a friend. I am so glad we found each other.♥

  3. Dear Susanne - I am so sorry about the troubles you and your husband are going through. You will be in my prayers. ((hugs))

  4. I am so sorry..prayers to you and yours..hugs

  5. I am a cancer victum english is not so good to tell you a long story..
    But I can give you a big hugg.....


  6. Susanne, I am so glad you have found Annette and Marjo. They are amazing women and they are here for you as well as many people in the blog world. I am so, so sorry for all of this. Cancer is a horrible disease that takes away all control. It takes over and you feel helpless so much of the time. I had cacner 11 years ago, it still is such a stressful time to think about, and even if you have been cancer free for 10 years you still worry. My thoughts are with you and your husband as always. You have to deal with this on a different level, seeing him suffer is horrible. I will keep you all in my prayers. And you have a place to vent any time you want, don't forget that.


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